Mommy Guilt and the Balancing Act

This Saturday felt really complete as far as my role definition as a mom goes. Many times I pile on guilt on myself, because of the nature of interactions I have with my kids. There are those mundane days, when I can rename myself "Chabi". Chabi is Hindi for key and the role of the key is to unlock doors of course. The other Chabi, which is the correct context in this case, is for those wind-up toys which you need to keep turning, else they stop after sometime. So there are those days of my life, when I am the wind-up key for my kids - "S, wash you face and change clothes. M, keep your dolls back in place. S, do your homework. S, practice guitar..".. you get the idea. Only Chabi, nothing else.

Then there are days when I get some free time from work, when I explore various projects and ideas on the web, or in books, that I would like to do with the kids. If anything I am a big dreamer, dreaming up fun projects, dreaming about which give me a high just from thinking about executing them. Of course, executing them is another matter altogether, and "life" as in mundane, regular chores and tasks catches on. I become "Chabi" again.

And then there are those rare days when you accomplish so many fun things to do with the kids, that the kids actually say "wow, that was a real fun day I had Mom". It feels strange and almost ethereal sometimes to go through such a day. Wish I could carve out more of those "special fun days".

This Saturday was one of them. I made pancakes from scratch, made ice lollies, cut up a pant pattern for M and P and I went biking with them. Simple family fun. Sigh! But such times are a rarity for working moms. And most weekends get bogged down with errands and shopping or just recovering from the working week. I then realize that I have to really try hard to carve out such moments which maybe the kids will remember, who knows, but I certainly will.

One of the by-products of this Saturday was that M started riding a bike by herself. She has always ridden them with side-wheels. Her cycle happens to be on the larger side, its a size 18 or 20, which we recently bought - good till she turns 7 years old or so. Before the ride, there was the usual huge tantrum about not wanting to ride the bike, about re-attaching the side wheels, you name it. We soothed and shushed, begged and scolded, but to no avail. All her (few, if any) rides before had been with side-wheels before. Finally we turned into mute parents locking the door and wheeling out her bike, which signaled to her that no amount of cajoling or crying was going to work on us. She stopped crying, resorting now to "You won't let me fall? ....What if I fall and get hurt?..... I know I will get hurt....." (She talks non-stop at normal times, and goes on even more when she is stressed). We again re-assured her tons, and finally we set off, with P holding her bike and walking and S and I riding nearby and encouraging her on.

She didn't realize it, but P kept leaving his hands on her back seat handle. And that did it. Successful! Well for the time being anyways.

The Skeleton Mommy

I cant get over how innovative kids can be. I mean, adults are creative too, but man oh man, no way can they hold a candle to the kids. When kids get creative, they really really get creative.

Ask any parent, and they will emphatically agree. Is it because kids don't get tied down in straight jackets like parents do? I mean the best of us are highly creative, but still, we have trained our brains to think in certain ways, we have fine tuned our responses to situations based on feedback mechanisms from society and family at large. Our thinking in some areas becomes highly evolved, because we have chosen specifically to develop those.

Kids on the other hand are so flexible. Their thinking is open, unbiased and true from the heart. Very cute sometimes, hilarious at others. Me I find lots of things amusing in the way my kids talk. I can't help it! And I can assure you I get beaten up royally by M (who just turned 5 yesterday BTW) for it. She says things with such innocence, and I end up laughing out aloud for her cuteness. I am trying to teach her not to hit, but as her parents, we do end up getting beaten up sometimes. Talk about modern generation kids. ;-) Thank god I have been very emphatic that she cannot hit other kids - because she packs quite a whack with her tiny hand.

My latest source of amusement was the application of a specific song she learnt in school. Looks like GWH is teaching them somewhat modern songs which teach them parts of the body, etc. So she comes home one day and regales me with all the songs she has learnt recently. Cho sweet! One of them is the "Skeleton song". Didn't find it very lyrical or nursery rhymes-like, but anyway, I guess it serves its purpose. She has learnt that the human body has bones inside, and it is called the skeleton. Very nice. She is proud of the new-found knowledge, I suppose.

What I found hilarious is not the skeleton song, but the way she applied it later that night. For some reason she got ticked off with me. Now M - I cringe when I write this - she does get very angry sometimes, and uses the choicest of words, sometimes downright rude. Mostly similar to "I am going to pour a mug of water on your head". Not very nice, I agree... Okay, now that she was mad at me (most likely for not letting her watch TV), she glared at me, then said " I will remove all your skin and pink cheeks and everything and leave you as a skeleton." Ouch! I didn't know what to say, I was stunned by how she had applied her knowledge in the wink of an eye. I should have reprimanded her for the bad choice of words, but I was too amused! Anyways, or Khair, as they say in Bhopal.

Champak Time!

Its Champak Time for the kids. Must say.. P is having fun reading out to them in the night! Rentu Chuha aur Mota Hathi ki Kahaniyan, etc.. Dadi dearest sent a fat stack of Champaks, mainly for S to read by himself. He still hesitates to read Hindi books though. Getting there slowly.. mostly due to me pushing him by bits and pieces.

I say Bangalore is liking a mini-US in many ways. Most kids speak in English amongst themselves and with their parents. Parents have to make a special effort to expose them to languages. S is particularly shy about exposing what he considers as his weak links. So he is not very comfortable even trying. I suppose i should be the good parent and not pressurize him at all. But I have started changing my outlook a bit. I have gone the traditional way, and have forced him a bit. He may hate me for it now, but I see that the reluctance is lessening with each try he makes. So this ended up as a discovery for me, that being strict and "I expect you to do so" kinda outlook in parents is not all that bad is it is made out to be. :-)

M is also slowly understanding the concept of a second language. She has exposure to Tamil from her maternal grandma, though of course, she responds back only in English. But these days one interesting thing is that she watches re-runs of her DVD in Hindi (my hubby's mother tongue). So we end up having this comedy cartoon session of Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure, or Thumbelina. Very Funny. I am reminded of "Mita Doonga Tumhara Namo Nishaan" (Eraser in Hindi), we saw many years back.

S's first (For house member's only guitar concert)

Clinton Sir asked S the week before to practice his guitar well. S was expected to be ready for a mini-concert for his family members. He was to play "Hotel California", and sing it as well.

Well, as most working weeks go, this one went busy as well. And my dear son needs me more than anything in his life. No, no not because he is a Mamma's boy, far from it. He is very much his Papa's son. But he needs me to remind him to brush his teeth, take his bath, put away his books, practice his guitar, revise schoolwork with me..you get the idea...

So, if I don't tell him to do something, it won't get done. Sounds familiar? I bet many women have this challenge with some of their family members. I have this challenge with two of my favourite people in the world, both happen to be men. Coincidence? Yeah, lets leave it at that! ;-)

So anyway, I didn't remind him much, he ended up not practicing much, except on the day of the recital, and well, what can I say! He still did a pretty super job, considering how less he practiced.

I went from thinking.. "Should I pull him out of Guitar classes, since he never really wants to practice".. to .... "Wow! He plays pretty well! If he's this good without practice, imagine what he MAY be able to get to with practice."

I need to add his video to this.

The Cheese Touch

S came in for a bit, changed his clothes, and ran out to play cricket again. He had a somewhat upset look on his face, but I didn't think much or probe much.
Much later, when he was done with play, he came in with a grumpy expression, declaring as most kids do, that he was not friends with so and so for ever. And the story came out..
"We were playing cricket.. and ball flew into a bag near garbage or something. When we ran to pick up the ball, we could see a cockroach sitting on it. S.H. kicked the ball and the cockroach fell off. He then picked up the ball. I was like Yeew, how can you touch the ball? S.H. then ran behind me chasing me, trying to touch me, and he did! Now I had the "Cockroach Touch" on my Tee! "

I started smiling almost immediately, not because I was amused by S's reaction, rather because I was remembering the Cheese Touch story in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. There is this moldy bit of cheese in the basketball court of the school that Jeff Henley in Diary of a Wimpy Kid goes to. A kid touches it by mistake, and then everyone in school avoids him like the curse. Until he touches a kid, and then the other kid gets the "Cheese Touch". Then on to the next one.. and so it goes. S has only recently read the book, so I could imagine him making an instant connection when this thing happened. Hence the grin on my face, and I can tell you, S was not amused at all.

Sometimes parents smile because they find something the kid says or does cute in some way. The kid (atleast my kids) always interpret this as though the other person (in this case, the parent), is making fun of him/her. With M, when she sings a song in her baby voice, we end up smiling broadly. Often she throws a tantrum right after, thinking that we are making fun of her. We have learnt now to keep a straight face, encourage her with her presentation without going overboard. Sigh!

Curiosity!!

M is the epitome of curiosity these days.

"Why is my name M?"

"Why do humans have eyes in the front of their faces, while animals have eyes on the sides of theirs?"

"Did the doctor have to cut a big rectangle in your tummy to take me out?"

.. and on it goes.

Reminds me of Pinnochio, when Gepetto says you must sleep, he asks "Why?". Why is the question Pinnochio asks a lot as he tries to discover the world around him.

We all are curious little kids, and slowly the cycle of knowing a few things, and knowing a few things more rather well, makes us immune to what we do not know. Many of us retain some level of curiosity, but the specialization or focus on some areas, while helping us separate the wheat from the chaff , also reduces our curiosity towards our world quite a bit.

So take a moment to learn from your little ones.. and be curious about something new. Read a little, learn a little, and it will help you stay keen. Find ways to keep the curiosity alive in kids, they grow up too fast and become less curious too. Case to point, S used to ask a lot of questions when he was about 5-6. Now its gone down a lot, and he is only 9. I am sure the ability to question something, rather than take it for granted is there somewhere hidden below, but I see more understanding of the world around him, and less curiosity about how it all pulls together.

P.S:  Nice little article on Curiosity: Curiosity: The Fuel of Development

Diary of two Cutie Kids.. A Bit of This, a Bit of That, and more....

I am brand new to blogging. An absolute novice if you ask me. Between work and kids, its often the most precious moments of our life that get lost. I don't remember the first time S took his baby steps. I remember vaguely it was around 10.5 months. I don't remember when he said his first words. Forgotten. Lost in the memories of a brain which is coping with information overload. If you look at most of us urbanites today, especially those of us who are in the IT space, we have developed good short term memory, at the expense of our long term memory. I suppose I am not qualified to comment on this, but maybe, just maybe.. there is a connection.

Now M here, she is at an interesting stage in life. She is about to turn 5, is very curious, is asking lots of cute questions, and generally making us smile with all the tumble of words coming out of her little mouth. This time around, I set about thinking if I should document everything remotely cute that she says. I would love to, of course. But I am Lazy with a big L. Between going in to work, minding the house and kids, I usually end up feeling that I have reached my quota in a day. Come 11:00 p.m. and you can find me snoring, having fallen asleep, while ostensibly working on the laptop.

Hopefully, no more though. Human memory, or in this particular case, my memory is far too short-lived. Better late,than never, but hopefully I will capture the few highlights of our little life here, which are special for us as a family. If it makes a good read, even more better. But at the end of every day, writing a wee bit will give me a better chance at remembering a nice little episode I would like to remember 10 years from now. When the birds have flown, and the nest is empty, one shall reminisce about the good old days... I suppose. Maybe the kids will themselves get a kick from reading about their little antics once they are grown up.