The Mommy Clown? Or the Selfish me?

Yep, I want to be selfish. Have succeeded partly. At least I would like to believe so.

This post is dedicated to all my lady friends who juggle multiple crystal balls in life with success. Its funny I should write a blog post about something so commonplace and something every household goes through with flair. Or maybe not, maybe they struggle as I/we did.

There was a time when I used to dramatize that I was a juggler juggling crystal balls err.. multiple responsibilities, all of them fragile and having their own particular balance, oddity, spin, weight, etc. The kids were small, they demanded a lot more care giving compared to how much they need today. They constituted the most fragile ball I held in my hands. At the same time, I was not willing to give up my job and hence I held the other crystal ball, which was probably more heavy in terms of weight, but a bit less fragile in my mind. Just a teeny-tiny bit.

The third ball I held in my hand was on the home management front. Hmm, this by far was the most painful crystal ball to manage. I would probably equate it to a crystal ball with poking, sharp protrusions. This was not mine to work on and manage by myself unlike the other two. I was reliant on outside help to clean and cook. With a full time job and two kids, I suppose I had to, especially in India. Maids would come and go; they would either have extremely horrible work quality, or would not last long because of various reasons. Running a household in India, for all the help you get, is a tough act for most women. Having tasted life in the US, where I could happily clean once a week and get away with it, it was very hard to 1) rely on external help for cleaning 2) deal with the frequency of cleaning, which is everyday, given the amount of dust entering your house.

Ok, so why a blog about this? Hmm, a lot more women nowadays are taking on highly stimulating and challenging careers, which demand that you go beyond the call of normal work hours. Well.. until we hit the baby phase of our life. Then we are constantly juggling these three balls I mention above, sometimes a little clumsily, sometime dropping one, checking if anything broke, and if thankfully nothing's broken, or we haven't mentally broken with the act of juggling, continuing to do so. All in the name of still wanting to do everything that keeps us happy. Its a tall order for most women. We carry on, kidding ourselves that its the right thing. Sometimes we give up, call it a day and hang up our working shoes and return to sanity and the role of a full time mom, housekeeper, etc. Its a personal choice. Yeah sure! There is no easy "choice".

At the end of the day, if I continue working, I have then dedicated my life to being the ultimate clown, one who juggles so many things in her life, she can no longer see herself as how the audience would probably see her - a clown clumsily performing on the center stage of life, dropping balls here and there, feeling guilty for not being able to juggle well, and yet there she is on center-stage, can't get away, because she chose this life of a mommy-clown.

Can't have it all. The only thing I would say is that there does come a point, when we get a bit better at juggling, so there is life at the end of the tunnel. It is a long tunnel, and I have learnt that rather than be the perfect mommy-clown, its sometimes better to keep my crystal balls to the side for a couple of hours a days. Maybe exercise, do some craft or even dance center-stage on that same stage. Maybe an Elaine Benes like dance, but it is for myself, my time, alone, for me, and I don't care if I am still on the center-stage of life, and if others judge me for being a bit selfish with my time. That time, I am being deliberately selfish, so the other 14 hours of my life that I need to play a juggling clown, I can do so with gusto, and maybe not drop those precious balls as often.

Governance and mutiny

Are we capable of mutiny only against external threats? Like when we were struggling for Independence. Is it the case that if our house member does something wrong, we accept it and live with it, and never attempt to correct it? No, we have a vested interest in the whole thing, right? We would try and do our best to solve the issue.

If another country threatens our land, our army men rise up to the occasion, our country men and women, the patriotic lot that we are, rally support for the whole situation, vent online, do whatever it takes, but feel justifiably perturbed about the situation.

But, and its a big but that amazes me day in and day out; we live with shoddy governance and its effects day in and day out. And we get peeved by it, perturbed by it, but there is no action on it. Case to point - the roads in Bangalore in many places are terrible. Years pass by and nothing is done about it. And we pay the highest road tax in India. Thousands of commuters from all walks of life put up with this ridiculous state of affairs. What do we do about it? We rant about it on the Bangalore Police Facebook page a few times. Then we get tired of it. We sign online petitions on ChangeMyCity or change.org etc. Armchair activism at its best. I got pretty good with that at a point in time.

But that is not really the solution is it? I want to be able to do something about it, something more than armchair activism that I am doing, but something that does not take time away from my core responsibilities. Isn't this a problem each one of us faces? We want to work on causes that improve some social or community aspect of the life we lead, but we lack a good forum or channel for it. Even if we dedicate time to grassroot level activism, and I know many organizations and individuals have started willing dedicating their personal time to this, it takes a long time to get results. Government organizations have a certain culture, right? Its just the way it is.

So back to my original question. Is mutiny only against outsiders? Can we not have a mutiny against bad governance? Yeah, we elected them, they are our own people. So should we not challenge the results of their governance? Is voting for someone like the Hero Honda ad of "Fill it, Shut it, Forget it"? Should we just vote and trust them to do their jobs and then live in the vain hope that one day somebody will come who will look at this damn road that's in this state for 4 years, and fix it?

If I don't pay taxes for a year, will the officials not look at it for 4 years? If they don't work on something expected of them, should we stay silent for 4 years or more? I suggest we do our bit of mutiny. Stop paying road taxes. Seriously? Yeah I know, its rather easy to say it than do it. This, my friends is the power of the govt. Elected by the people, but accountability to the people can be zero, and we live with it.

The system has to change...the culture of acceptance has to change.....

The times are, a changing. Apparently.

My life is entrenched in a world based on economic growth. Growth that is the new order of the world. Whether it is India or China or the US, the only thing that matters is that magic number called GDP.

I am the typical urbanite living in a world driven by the market. I earn decently well, being in the IT industry. Not what I think I should be given that I am stagnating in the same company for more than 5 years, so maybe the next job hunt is eminent. But yes, apparently I deserve more, more because everyone in my field with my number of years of experience is earning a certain number. Yes, I deserve more, because anything less would be underselling myself. Yes, I deserve to make the most of the opportunities provided to me from childhood to this current moment, and by an industry that thrives on job hops to get more pay. An opportunity available to me, thanks to my being born in a certain family, with certain value systems, with a certain exposure to the world, with a certain capability to get me an education, probably not in the best school around, but a good one with solid grounding that helped me take on responsibilities in every aspect of my life.

Its all luck I say. Capitalism, they say,  is all about working hard and if you end up making a ton of money because of "your" initiative, you are revered and respected, because you made it on your own steam. Crap.

Imagine a guy who is working hard making roads or railway lines in places like Delhi, in summer. Working hard, yes, getting paid reasonably well for it? Hell no. What if I had been born into that family? I am privileged not just because of my abilities, but because of which family I was born into. Because I am a product of all the years of education, thanks to my parents money being well spent on grooming me, ensuring I got the right breaks in life. That's why I am where I am. I got the opportunities. Not because I started out equal with everyone and somehow my thirst to do more and achieve more got me more. Now I get to make hay while the sun shines. And so my kids shall. Its great, except when you are born in the wrong family. As simple as that.

So the story evolves usually about the two classes in India, the haves v/s the have-nots. I am sure that this topic has been analyzed by the intellectuals oh so many times.Somehow things have improved for everyone. The new India is shining supposedly. Even the maids salaries have gone up 10 fold. They have more purchasing power. Their kids get to go to English medium schools. Things are not as bad for them.

And yet, the same kids, had they been born in a better off family would have been able to make capitalism work better for them.  Truly.

Somehow it all boils down to the rich getting wealthier and wealthier, and the poor definitely improving over the previous generation, but not quite getting the breaks that come automatically to the wealthier lot. Beaten topic, I know. Sigh!

Sometimes I wonder if capitalism is all that great as its made out to be..

Asthma and Running

Today, I got into a discussion with a friend who recently tested as being allergic to dust mites. That finally got me started on this blog I have been meaning to write for a long time about asthma and running. Almost everyone knows the benefits of exercising on a regular basis. There is enough material online, with detailed information about how running can benefit us in so many ways. I am just here to tell my story, specifically in relation to asthma.

There was a time, a long time ago I suppose when I used to work out without knowing I was working out. Let me rephrase. As kids growing up in the sprawling campus of IITB, we would easily walk 5-6 kms a day, bike, swim at every given opportunity. 

I remember the year I got introduced to swimming, we used to swim mornings and evenings. Then 10th grade happened, studies took over, which meant many hours sitting at one spot, munching something or the other while studying, etc. This continued for a few years, till we got past 12th grade, started relaxing a bit with college life and realized that those few years of not being active had taken a toll somewhere.

A friend and I then got into more structured workouts..training under the IIT athletics coach. We got into a habit of running 5-6 kms almost everyday, followed by more than an hour of detailed stretching and floor exercises. Those by far, were the most perfect years of my life. We would happily spend hours working out late into the evenings, lying down on the grass staring up at the twinkling stars after a good workout every evening. We weren't doing anything phenomenal by athletic standards, but the results of working out slowly started showing.

My friend moved away, I got busy with further studies, subsequent marriage, a new job, a new country, etc. I worked out, albeit sporadically, or long periods of "not at all". I didn't "think" of the impact of long hours of working on my laptop day in and day out. I was busy with my life, I suppose.

We still managed to do fun "active" stuff, like rollerblading, heading out for hikes when we could. But I had no dedicated time to workout. I was no longer the person who could run 5-6 kms a day with ease.

Then of course the natural progression to a mother of two, along with continuing to work in IT ensured that I practically had no time to breathe, let alone exercise. We had moved to Bangalore by then, and I was at wits end trying to keep everything together. Exercise was the last thing on my mind. I was always tired. By 8 in the night, I would be ready to crash. There were times when I slept for an hour or so, managed to wake up just in time to have dinner, then manage a call or two with colleagues across in the US.

Allergies and asthma related issues had started surfacing slowly but surely. These issues had started in the last year of our stay in the US, but started making huge waves in Bangalore. Many folks I knew had allergies, asthma. Most blamed it on Bangalore weather, dust, pollen, parthenium, seasons, etc. I got to a stage once where I ended up hospitalized due to a really bad asthma attack. The usual nebulizer with the doc did not do the trick and 6 hours later, was in the hospital.

No wake up call happened then. Life went on. I learnt to manage my asthma better, which meant I learnt to rely on inhalers mornings and evenings or when an attack looked imminent. Two years of constantly being on inhalers, trying one homeopathic medicine after another to the point that I no longer had the will to continue to actively manage my asthma.

All these years, P had been quietly running, building up from 10 K to a half marathon, to finally a full marathon. Somewhere along the way, I realized I wanted to be running again. Started slowly, and would like to say that I have been running not too much, but running reasonably frequently the last couple of years. And the most miraculous thing that has happened has not been the weight loss or the endurance or the increased energy. The greatest benefit has been the almost complete freedom from asthma attacks. To have come this far from a stage where I was constantly using my inhalers to "breathe normally" to an almost 99% asthma free state is nothing short of a miracle. And I credit only running to this.

Why running? Why not any other exercise? I run about 5 km each time, about 3-4 times a week.  Not much. But compared to other forms of cardio, running leaves me bathed in sweat, literally. My very strong belief is that running combined with profuse sweating clears my body of built up environmental toxins or other allergens. These, when left in the body and when accumulated over time trigger asthma and other allergic responses in the body.

I have no basis to prove my theory. Except that, for the first time in 7 years, I have not touched my inhaler except just once recently when travelling. I rest my case.

Run some. Run more!

Addendum: 08-Oct: I did a little bit of a rethink, and wanted to say that maybe I am a bit biased towards running, but any exercise that gets the sweat pouring and heart rate up is basically good, not just running. For me, the running culture around me, with a substantial population of my friends running half marathons and full marathons is something inspiring, and one day do aspire to go to that level. Till then, sweat it out everyday, keep asthma away is my mantra.

Chocolate making!

My dear friend Pooja visited the other day, specifically to teach the kids chocolate making. I do wish I had captured pictures of the fun we had, but unfortunately with a broken ligament and the phenomenal memory that I ought to have, I completed missed. She got a ton of chocolate blocks, flavored oils, molds and lollipop sticks and she set out to teach the kids. Well, the kids disappeared as soon as they figured it was time to learn, only to show up when it was time to eat! I can't blame them!

Long story short, we gorged on chocolates late into the night - mint favored ones, strawberry flavored ones and some on a stick to lick and love!

The project crazy gals that we were, we didn't stop there! We went on to do some lovely felt applique on bags Pooja is making for her son's birthday as return gifts. Ended the day with some bread making in the fantastic bread maker Poo lugged over from her house.

All in all a real fun day with Pooja, Gopu and my bacchas. Thanks so much Pooja for such a fun day. The kids are waiting for their Pooja aunty to come back soon!

The Matrix

This is not about the movie the Matrix, its about what we seen in society today. But its a different spin to it, so read on, if you are interested.

When the movie the Matrix was released, the sci-fi loving couple that we were, we went ahead and saw it the first opportunity we got. The concept was interesting for its time, quite different from the movies we had seen in the past.

I remember the movie The Marix particularly well, it is in fact one of my favorite movies. The next two movies in the same series took the theme that it had further. The gist of it is that there are humans on some planet, maybe it is still Earth, not sure. They are living out their beautiful, sanitized, perfect lives, but for some of them, it feels too perfect, there is something they quite cannot put their finger on, some of the them feel something underlying is basically wrong. A few of them dare to actually think about it, and find out what it is that is wrong, and in the process break away from the mold of people content living out their lives in the perfect world, which is the Matrix.Those who dare to come out of the Matrix find themselves living in a dark, dreary world, hunted by the machines, because they are the rebels, who broke off from the software generated world in which all humans were really just incubated and living in tiny cells . They were wired into this software from the day they are born, and provide the machines with the energy they need.

For the machines, its important that these people are silenced immediately, because the more the rebellion, the more their way of life is at stake.

An important thing that develops later in the movie, is that the rebels choose of their own, to go periodically into the matrix. Because, once they enter the Matrix, they can choose to be whatever they want. They can bend the self-made rules in their perception of the Matrix. Neo, the main protagonist learns, that he can make the bullets drop, because it is after all, not the real world, he can choose to bend the Matrix to make his will happen.

Now why in the world am I writing this thread? Its not for re-hashing or giving a synopsis of the movie. Its to highlight what I think is a world onto itself, like the Matrix, a world of the Have-it-alls, v/s the real world, the world a majority of the population lives in, a world which is harsher than we would like it to be.

There is huge segmentation in the world today, purely on the basis of money. We, a few sections of society, are the have-its. Within reasonable boundaries, we are able to aspire for and acquire something our heart desires. We are able to provide good education to our children, expose them to the right kind of hobbies in sports, fine arts. We are able to take a few trips here and there and satisfy our need to know more about the world we live in. We are able to work hard and take home a decent salary which enables us to indulge in a few pleasures in life. From a basic scale to an almost lavish scale, the various sections of have-its, do "have it". The "it" here is the basic right to live a life of dignity, to better oneself and one's family's life. Lets leave the greed part of it out for now.

But lets look at this section of society in a different way. We are the humans living in a Matrix we have created, and we feed our "section" of the society energy. We are self-sustaining Matrix, where everything is groovy and clean and nice. "Our World" is perfect. Our children have it good. In our cocoon, its awesome in here. A few of us have doubts, whether this perfect life of ours, is really far too perfect. There is an ugly world out there, but should we even seek it? Why rock the ship too hard? But, But, there is a niggling thought. There is an awareness of the world beyond our own matrix, of the other section of society, which are the "have-nots". But to come out of the matrix and be out there is "impossible" right? How can we live their life, when it is so nice in here? We have but two options - take the red pill or the blue pill - stay in the Matrix, or question why the Matrix exists. Go out of the Matrix and look at why there should even be a Matrix. That would be hard. That would be disturbing our way of life. So the ones in the Matrix continue. They continue being the ones with the advantages, they continue protecting their progeny's life in the Matrix by moulding them, ensuring they get the right start to life.

Exam time funnies

So here I am revising Social Studies with my kiddo who is in 5th grade. This year they have a lot of facts about India's struggle for Independence. I am re-learning facts about the Swadeshi Movement, the Dandi March, the Battle of Plassey, the Mangal Pandey episode, etc. Yeah, I know parents get to go to school twice in their lives! :-)

Well the funny part I did want to capture in my blog was the cute set of remarks S made about all this. He was reading about the Jaliawala Bagh incident; and obviously was moved by the atrocities of General Dyer. So his first set of questions were around "Who do you think is more cruel? Hitler or Dyer" Then he made this connection on their names. It was kind of cute, funny and weird at the same time. According to him, Hitler must be so named because he would have loved to hit people. "He mimed out Hitler with a stick hitting people should "Hit, Hit!" Then he extended the analogy to Dyer and said, that man must be wacko and wanting to make people "Die", hence he was named Dyer. Interesting how kids run their imagination run riot in mundane history lessons.

The next part of the lesson talked about the Moderates and the Extremists in the Indian National Congress. Yawn. Then there were the names of the freedom fighters.. amongst them Gopal Krishna Gokhale and Lala Lajpat Rai. So apparently LLR here was an extremist because he didn't believe the British could be asked to leave politely. GKG was a moderate because he believed the demands should be made without violence and in a peaceful way. We got into a discussion of what we would have been had we been there at the time. S declared that he would have been a moderate but for the Jaliawala Bagh incident. Had he been there, he would have surely killed that Dyer apparently and thus would have been an extremist. And suddenly it stuck him that there was a Gokhale kid in his class. So amidst giggles and laughter, he said, he would have been like Lala Lajpat Rai since S was also a Rai (surname wise) and the class mate would have been like Gopal Krishna Gokhale. Ah the brains of a child works overtime in making facts fun to remember. :-)

Upcycled!

I had an old nightie
It was ugly and uncool
But, oh it was so comfy!
I wore it like a fool.

One fine day, I was looking,
As usual, so frumpy
Hubby looked at my nightie
And felt oh! so grumpy.

He flicked his hand once
No nightie no more
The neckline ran to my toes
His eyes had no remorse!

Recycling is my name
Sewing is my new found game
And experimentation is,
my only claim to fame.

And so behold!
The results of cutting and slicing
A tale so far untold,
Of sewing, ripping and more sewing..

Ta Da!

:-)

S's band!

Yeah, the kids are so savvy these days.
10 years old, just sticking their heads out of their little egg shells and these birds already know how to fly!

So they are not so little anymore, yeah. But 10-11 year old boys forming a band was kinda cool for me. And it mainly came from them. Maybe Clinton sir telling them that one day they can form their own band had something to do with. It did happen sooner than anyone expected.

What really is kind of nice is that the band is not just some flaky time pass that these kids are into. They practice oh! so seriously. "Its band practice time!" seems to get everyone in their group dropping everything and running for practice at Vinu's house. We being next door, can hear the boys belt it out for a good 45 minutes. They have "deep" discussions on which song to pick up next and make it as part of the band's standard repertoire. Wow, all by themselves too!

S is the chords and eventually lead guitarist of the band. I have seen him play and he puts his heart into it on stage. Yeah, did I just say on stage? The kids have already performed a cool 4 times at various local functions, and they have been received fairly well. Their "Smoke on the Water" is the best piece I like so far.
And here are the "Black Vipers"...er... "Blue Daggers"... er...ok, whatever is the (new preferred color + weapon of choice) name of the band at the time. Forgive the unprofessional collage!

Well, we surely were not so cool in our days!

Gal with a toy!

Yes, my new sewing machine is here! The last two days have been spent re-discovering a Bernina, with the help of a trainer. Usually, the company is kind enough to offer training to those who end up buying a Bernina, and I think rightly so. Because to really understand the full potential of the machine and utilize it well, we do need some one-on-one interaction.

Well that, and also its a perfect opportunity to get demoed on all those cute additional accessories and commit to spending way more than you intended to on a sewing machine. Going bananas Varsha? Maybe a wee bit!

While I was waiting for the trainer to show up the second day, I did a quick test of how the proposed traditional quilt will look. Not much, just stitched up 4 blocks. Think it will turn out okay. I am planning this one for my mom, who insists she doesn't need yet one more "comforter"! Wait up Mom, I am sure you will change your mind soon.

The lady Usha Belose was quite insistent that we should make some real stuff while she demos out certain features. So I cut out some fabric and batting and quickly thought up a couple of simple ideas to execute. She turned those into a reality. Awesome stuff, and I could not contain my excitement dreaming up possibilities once I saw the end result.

A simple small table runner she quilted by FMQ. Needs to be finished.

The underside.

A cute little potholder, using their circular embroidery tool.

Mom looked at the embroidered pot holder, and commented how easily we dished this out, when of course, in their days, they used to painstakingly make these and more by hand.

Well, that's so true, look how painstaking she had created this saree, all hand embroidered.

Meanwhile, I continue to enjoy my blissful, if hyper ventilated state of mind, body, the works. :-)

Crafty days are here again!

Yes, I somehow seem to have more time on my hands. What better way to use the time than to indulge in all those wistful craft and sewing projects I have been drooling over all these years.
Here's one WIP quilt, just cut out some simple square patches and want to do a random patch quilt with it.. My first quilt, it shall be. Let us see...

I am also wondering if I can create a simple set of 4 paintings using the technique below. I had made this a long time ago using bright blue ink on a simple plain piece of paper. This looks like a copy I made of the original. Would be interesting to do it once more.

Costume Making for the school is such a Tra-la-la

A comment from one of the hassled moms of a FB craft group I belong to, reminded me of how parents have to sometimes shift all other priorities and get down on the knees and arms, to make their cute kid uncomfortable and ready to throw a tantrum.

Yes, I am talking about all those reasons that schools make you go through the torment of designing, creating  a costume for your screaming, uncooperative devil, all in the name of fancy dress, or Annual day or Earth day, or whatever. Well the problem is that the torment is not limited to oneself. That we hapless moms can still take.

Well torment it still is, even for us moms who like doing anything crafty. Cloth or chartpaper? What material should I use? Some of us can manage sewing stuff, but its usually last minute panic a day before the event, and then we end up cutting, painting and churning out a professional looking costume made entirely of chartpaper. Well, maybe I shouldn't speak for others. But that is so ME!

The torment then extends to fitting, testing it out on the kid. Ok, done that too! Done you think, all set ready?
No, no, hold on! It then continues - how do you send the costume packed in a bag, when the school has a normal working day, and the kid is somehow supposed to dress himself or herself? Ok, detailed instructions to the kid follows. "Tell Akka this string goes here. Wear the shoulder straps first, and then ask Akka to tie this behind. Did you understand? Are you even listening to me, etc.. etc.." Okay packed and sent.

Even if its something like the Annual day, most schools require the child to be ready and behind stage, wearing the costume for hours, so they are ready, waiting for their turn. Parents are usually not allowed to dress their child and drop them off a little before their event. More torture? Absolutely!!

Oh then the other part of keeping the costume intact begins. Kids will be kids, so they run, chase, fight with each other behind the scenes. What better way to pass the time when everyone is stuck up behind their dumb costumes then to tightly hug your favorite friend and try a jump and hop sequence without tripping and tearing. Oh well, seriously, mom, I didn't know that your costume was so flimsy it would tear with one jump with my friend.

Enjoy, my crafty-and-not-so-crafty-costume-making-parent-friends, its all a temporary lapse of reason on the part of the school anyway, one kid at a time, one generation at a time. :-)

Oh BTW, here are two similar costumes, one where darling dotty was a sea-horse, the other a no brainer carrot. Yeah, it gets easier the second time around.

Remembering Dad

Tomorrow, 7th Oct 2012, will be 2 years since he went away from us.

I have always been the practical one in the family, almost Vulcan-like in my logical thinking. So I have reasoned with myself and with Mom that whatever happened, was the way of life, and is the natural cycle of life and death. As Mom dealt with her grief, many a times I reasoned with her, that he had after all, lived a long and healthy 72 years.

But all said and done, it would have been great to have him amidst us. One recognizes the impact a person has in ones life only after he or she is gone. For me, Dad embodied a seeker, one who passionately sought knowledge for the sake of knowledge alone, and no other reason. He was always absorbing even the tiniest of information, just out of curiosity about a subject or broadening his perspective on any subject by just reading about that one more bit of information.

An avid reader, most times he could be found buried in his precious books, or the newspaper. Those were the days of course, when most folks used to rely on the good old newspaper for news of the world around them. Now Mom, who only wanted to scan the newspaper quickly with her morning cuppa before getting on with the morning chores would wait and wait, but Dad's reading was never a quick skim here and there. It was usually a full hour of reading front to back, sitting in the balcony with the sun shining on at him. Soon Mom discovered a way to speed him up. She started requesting a page here and a page there. "Are you done with the middle section?" .. and soon after "Give me the cultural programs/city happenings section". etc. So Dad could read to (well, almost) heart's content, while Mom could read in parallel and then run off to her chores.

Another vivid memory of my time with him was the way he introduced me to working with one's hands. The other V of the house, my brother would always be out, never to be found at home, while Dad and I would sit and experiment with various things. In those days, he built a fold-able study table for my brother. cutting plywood, attaching laminate to it, sanding it, and so on. It was a joy to work alongside him, poke around his toolbox, help him. He never stopped me from doing anything because it was "sharp" or because it was "hot" or I could potentially hurt myself. I remember him teaching me to solder stuff when I was pretty young. Sadly I myself don't have the guts to do it with my kids as of today;  probably concerns about lead poisoning, "its a hot thing, can burn" make me more cautious than I ought to be.

Dad had a love of photography that made him setup his own darkroom when he was doing his PhD in Russia. When he got a chance to explore, he started filigree-woodcarving; a Vishnu Lakshmi figure painstaking cut from a thin sheet of plywood. He tried his hand at paper-mache figures using molds. All this when there were hardly any tools in those days in India for a crafter. All this when handmade was not even remotely fashionable. His out of the box thinking usually involved making a small contraption if possible to solve a certain household problem. As much as he enjoyed applying his mind to problems, concepts, philosophy, theories; he was certainly a work-with-your-hands-to-build-stuff kind of guy, when he chose to be. Yep, chose to be, because theorizing about everything under the sun was a favorite of his; a gene he seems to have passed on to me.

The funny thing about Dad was also the way in which he would lecture us, or teach us values. For every situation we faced, he had a funny anecdote from his childhood or someone's else life, which he used to recount to us in great detail. He would draw a parallel to the other story in such a subtle fashion and tell us how the two were similar and how "they" learnt something, that we would invariably wish we had done the same thing in our situation. It was uncanny how many stories he had for almost any given situation under the sun, all told to us with great hilarity, not sermonized at all. Again drawing a comparison to my own preachy self with my kids, I do wish he was here to fill the gap in teaching them in a better way.

Kudos to you, the ultimate teacher-dad!

Why not to talk to your geeky husband about mobile apps

Me: You should download A+ timetable for Android

Him: ok
Me: will help in organizing routine tasks for kids
Him: ok
Him: In my current phone, I cannot add any more apps. Hence I need to upgrade my phone.
Him: ;)
Me: why
Me: You are kidding right?!!
Him: no really
Me: why
Him: memory is full
Me: well.. clear it?
Him: I need all the apps
Me: you can remove apps you don’t use
Me: you can get additional memory too
Him: I have already removed unwanted apps
Him: and in our phone adding more memory is not possible
Him: just give in baby
Him: you cannot win

Him: ok, tell me how can you see this and not get tempted...

Him: http://www.samsung.com/in/promotions/galaxys3/index.html?pid=in_home_thelatest_main_galaxys3_20120503

Him: ;)

Me: looks the same as your current

Me: nope
Me: I have lost my husband to many phones in the past. :-)
Me: not one more
Me: I will not
Me: it’s not about the money
Me: it’s about loosing you yet again
Me: so there!
Him: the way to look at it is... your husband has always held on to you despite so many phone changes ;)

Planning for Mahabaleshwar

Its that time of the year again! Summer! The months go rather slowly for most working parents who would rather jump into the pool with the kids than shunt them to one or the other summer camps available all around town.

This year we had a break from the "keep them busy in summer camps coz we gotta be at work" routine we usually end up in. Dadi has come down and is here for three weeks in April. The kids are at home, chilling out. In fact S was emphatic that he didn't want to go to one more series of dumb summer camps that  pretend to introduce kids to a smart new skill, and do nothing more that provide rudimentary exposure to the same.

We did end up putting him into a 3-week cricket camp to enhance his skills. I think secretly that he enjoys the snack and juice at the end of the camp more than the actual practice sessions. He was of course all enthusiastic at the beginning of the camp and has greatly enhanced his skills. When asked if he wants to continue for another 3 weeks, pat comes the reply - its too tiring! hmm...

Anyway, we are off to Mahabaleshwar and surrounding areas next week and am trying to put together a list of must-dos and must sees. Let's see....

Visit cool nurseries in Mahabaleshwar to get berry plants.
Visit strawberry fields of farmers. Possibly talk to them.

Ok, I think I am set. :-) Oh well! Maybe I should list out sightseeing plans for the remaining sane members of the family.

Mommy Guilt and the Balancing Act

This Saturday felt really complete as far as my role definition as a mom goes. Many times I pile on guilt on myself, because of the nature of interactions I have with my kids. There are those mundane days, when I can rename myself "Chabi". Chabi is Hindi for key and the role of the key is to unlock doors of course. The other Chabi, which is the correct context in this case, is for those wind-up toys which you need to keep turning, else they stop after sometime. So there are those days of my life, when I am the wind-up key for my kids - "S, wash you face and change clothes. M, keep your dolls back in place. S, do your homework. S, practice guitar..".. you get the idea. Only Chabi, nothing else.

Then there are days when I get some free time from work, when I explore various projects and ideas on the web, or in books, that I would like to do with the kids. If anything I am a big dreamer, dreaming up fun projects, dreaming about which give me a high just from thinking about executing them. Of course, executing them is another matter altogether, and "life" as in mundane, regular chores and tasks catches on. I become "Chabi" again.

And then there are those rare days when you accomplish so many fun things to do with the kids, that the kids actually say "wow, that was a real fun day I had Mom". It feels strange and almost ethereal sometimes to go through such a day. Wish I could carve out more of those "special fun days".

This Saturday was one of them. I made pancakes from scratch, made ice lollies, cut up a pant pattern for M and P and I went biking with them. Simple family fun. Sigh! But such times are a rarity for working moms. And most weekends get bogged down with errands and shopping or just recovering from the working week. I then realize that I have to really try hard to carve out such moments which maybe the kids will remember, who knows, but I certainly will.

One of the by-products of this Saturday was that M started riding a bike by herself. She has always ridden them with side-wheels. Her cycle happens to be on the larger side, its a size 18 or 20, which we recently bought - good till she turns 7 years old or so. Before the ride, there was the usual huge tantrum about not wanting to ride the bike, about re-attaching the side wheels, you name it. We soothed and shushed, begged and scolded, but to no avail. All her (few, if any) rides before had been with side-wheels before. Finally we turned into mute parents locking the door and wheeling out her bike, which signaled to her that no amount of cajoling or crying was going to work on us. She stopped crying, resorting now to "You won't let me fall? ....What if I fall and get hurt?..... I know I will get hurt....." (She talks non-stop at normal times, and goes on even more when she is stressed). We again re-assured her tons, and finally we set off, with P holding her bike and walking and S and I riding nearby and encouraging her on.

She didn't realize it, but P kept leaving his hands on her back seat handle. And that did it. Successful! Well for the time being anyways.

The Skeleton Mommy

I cant get over how innovative kids can be. I mean, adults are creative too, but man oh man, no way can they hold a candle to the kids. When kids get creative, they really really get creative.

Ask any parent, and they will emphatically agree. Is it because kids don't get tied down in straight jackets like parents do? I mean the best of us are highly creative, but still, we have trained our brains to think in certain ways, we have fine tuned our responses to situations based on feedback mechanisms from society and family at large. Our thinking in some areas becomes highly evolved, because we have chosen specifically to develop those.

Kids on the other hand are so flexible. Their thinking is open, unbiased and true from the heart. Very cute sometimes, hilarious at others. Me I find lots of things amusing in the way my kids talk. I can't help it! And I can assure you I get beaten up royally by M (who just turned 5 yesterday BTW) for it. She says things with such innocence, and I end up laughing out aloud for her cuteness. I am trying to teach her not to hit, but as her parents, we do end up getting beaten up sometimes. Talk about modern generation kids. ;-) Thank god I have been very emphatic that she cannot hit other kids - because she packs quite a whack with her tiny hand.

My latest source of amusement was the application of a specific song she learnt in school. Looks like GWH is teaching them somewhat modern songs which teach them parts of the body, etc. So she comes home one day and regales me with all the songs she has learnt recently. Cho sweet! One of them is the "Skeleton song". Didn't find it very lyrical or nursery rhymes-like, but anyway, I guess it serves its purpose. She has learnt that the human body has bones inside, and it is called the skeleton. Very nice. She is proud of the new-found knowledge, I suppose.

What I found hilarious is not the skeleton song, but the way she applied it later that night. For some reason she got ticked off with me. Now M - I cringe when I write this - she does get very angry sometimes, and uses the choicest of words, sometimes downright rude. Mostly similar to "I am going to pour a mug of water on your head". Not very nice, I agree... Okay, now that she was mad at me (most likely for not letting her watch TV), she glared at me, then said " I will remove all your skin and pink cheeks and everything and leave you as a skeleton." Ouch! I didn't know what to say, I was stunned by how she had applied her knowledge in the wink of an eye. I should have reprimanded her for the bad choice of words, but I was too amused! Anyways, or Khair, as they say in Bhopal.

Champak Time!

Its Champak Time for the kids. Must say.. P is having fun reading out to them in the night! Rentu Chuha aur Mota Hathi ki Kahaniyan, etc.. Dadi dearest sent a fat stack of Champaks, mainly for S to read by himself. He still hesitates to read Hindi books though. Getting there slowly.. mostly due to me pushing him by bits and pieces.

I say Bangalore is liking a mini-US in many ways. Most kids speak in English amongst themselves and with their parents. Parents have to make a special effort to expose them to languages. S is particularly shy about exposing what he considers as his weak links. So he is not very comfortable even trying. I suppose i should be the good parent and not pressurize him at all. But I have started changing my outlook a bit. I have gone the traditional way, and have forced him a bit. He may hate me for it now, but I see that the reluctance is lessening with each try he makes. So this ended up as a discovery for me, that being strict and "I expect you to do so" kinda outlook in parents is not all that bad is it is made out to be. :-)

M is also slowly understanding the concept of a second language. She has exposure to Tamil from her maternal grandma, though of course, she responds back only in English. But these days one interesting thing is that she watches re-runs of her DVD in Hindi (my hubby's mother tongue). So we end up having this comedy cartoon session of Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure, or Thumbelina. Very Funny. I am reminded of "Mita Doonga Tumhara Namo Nishaan" (Eraser in Hindi), we saw many years back.

S's first (For house member's only guitar concert)

Clinton Sir asked S the week before to practice his guitar well. S was expected to be ready for a mini-concert for his family members. He was to play "Hotel California", and sing it as well.

Well, as most working weeks go, this one went busy as well. And my dear son needs me more than anything in his life. No, no not because he is a Mamma's boy, far from it. He is very much his Papa's son. But he needs me to remind him to brush his teeth, take his bath, put away his books, practice his guitar, revise schoolwork with me..you get the idea...

So, if I don't tell him to do something, it won't get done. Sounds familiar? I bet many women have this challenge with some of their family members. I have this challenge with two of my favourite people in the world, both happen to be men. Coincidence? Yeah, lets leave it at that! ;-)

So anyway, I didn't remind him much, he ended up not practicing much, except on the day of the recital, and well, what can I say! He still did a pretty super job, considering how less he practiced.

I went from thinking.. "Should I pull him out of Guitar classes, since he never really wants to practice".. to .... "Wow! He plays pretty well! If he's this good without practice, imagine what he MAY be able to get to with practice."

I need to add his video to this.

The Cheese Touch

S came in for a bit, changed his clothes, and ran out to play cricket again. He had a somewhat upset look on his face, but I didn't think much or probe much.
Much later, when he was done with play, he came in with a grumpy expression, declaring as most kids do, that he was not friends with so and so for ever. And the story came out..
"We were playing cricket.. and ball flew into a bag near garbage or something. When we ran to pick up the ball, we could see a cockroach sitting on it. S.H. kicked the ball and the cockroach fell off. He then picked up the ball. I was like Yeew, how can you touch the ball? S.H. then ran behind me chasing me, trying to touch me, and he did! Now I had the "Cockroach Touch" on my Tee! "

I started smiling almost immediately, not because I was amused by S's reaction, rather because I was remembering the Cheese Touch story in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. There is this moldy bit of cheese in the basketball court of the school that Jeff Henley in Diary of a Wimpy Kid goes to. A kid touches it by mistake, and then everyone in school avoids him like the curse. Until he touches a kid, and then the other kid gets the "Cheese Touch". Then on to the next one.. and so it goes. S has only recently read the book, so I could imagine him making an instant connection when this thing happened. Hence the grin on my face, and I can tell you, S was not amused at all.

Sometimes parents smile because they find something the kid says or does cute in some way. The kid (atleast my kids) always interpret this as though the other person (in this case, the parent), is making fun of him/her. With M, when she sings a song in her baby voice, we end up smiling broadly. Often she throws a tantrum right after, thinking that we are making fun of her. We have learnt now to keep a straight face, encourage her with her presentation without going overboard. Sigh!

Curiosity!!

M is the epitome of curiosity these days.

"Why is my name M?"

"Why do humans have eyes in the front of their faces, while animals have eyes on the sides of theirs?"

"Did the doctor have to cut a big rectangle in your tummy to take me out?"

.. and on it goes.

Reminds me of Pinnochio, when Gepetto says you must sleep, he asks "Why?". Why is the question Pinnochio asks a lot as he tries to discover the world around him.

We all are curious little kids, and slowly the cycle of knowing a few things, and knowing a few things more rather well, makes us immune to what we do not know. Many of us retain some level of curiosity, but the specialization or focus on some areas, while helping us separate the wheat from the chaff , also reduces our curiosity towards our world quite a bit.

So take a moment to learn from your little ones.. and be curious about something new. Read a little, learn a little, and it will help you stay keen. Find ways to keep the curiosity alive in kids, they grow up too fast and become less curious too. Case to point, S used to ask a lot of questions when he was about 5-6. Now its gone down a lot, and he is only 9. I am sure the ability to question something, rather than take it for granted is there somewhere hidden below, but I see more understanding of the world around him, and less curiosity about how it all pulls together.

P.S:  Nice little article on Curiosity: Curiosity: The Fuel of Development

Diary of two Cutie Kids.. A Bit of This, a Bit of That, and more....

I am brand new to blogging. An absolute novice if you ask me. Between work and kids, its often the most precious moments of our life that get lost. I don't remember the first time S took his baby steps. I remember vaguely it was around 10.5 months. I don't remember when he said his first words. Forgotten. Lost in the memories of a brain which is coping with information overload. If you look at most of us urbanites today, especially those of us who are in the IT space, we have developed good short term memory, at the expense of our long term memory. I suppose I am not qualified to comment on this, but maybe, just maybe.. there is a connection.

Now M here, she is at an interesting stage in life. She is about to turn 5, is very curious, is asking lots of cute questions, and generally making us smile with all the tumble of words coming out of her little mouth. This time around, I set about thinking if I should document everything remotely cute that she says. I would love to, of course. But I am Lazy with a big L. Between going in to work, minding the house and kids, I usually end up feeling that I have reached my quota in a day. Come 11:00 p.m. and you can find me snoring, having fallen asleep, while ostensibly working on the laptop.

Hopefully, no more though. Human memory, or in this particular case, my memory is far too short-lived. Better late,than never, but hopefully I will capture the few highlights of our little life here, which are special for us as a family. If it makes a good read, even more better. But at the end of every day, writing a wee bit will give me a better chance at remembering a nice little episode I would like to remember 10 years from now. When the birds have flown, and the nest is empty, one shall reminisce about the good old days... I suppose. Maybe the kids will themselves get a kick from reading about their little antics once they are grown up.